First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
