So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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