but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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