I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
