So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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