I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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