and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
