If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
