if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
