Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
