then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
