You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
