he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
