somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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