I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
