I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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