You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
