I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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