I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
