she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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