you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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