i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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