so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How does one acquire holy water?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
