my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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