I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
