theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize