Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
