do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
