I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The best revenge is premature balding
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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