perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
