Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
