i was born a porn star she said
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
