we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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