I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
