Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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