he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
