I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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