Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
