so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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