Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
