I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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