Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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