I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
