THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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