all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
