wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
