Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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