i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
