Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
