am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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