1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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