meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
