In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I love having hate sex.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
