Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
