drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
