made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
