i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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