I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
