U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
