He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Green mimosas i think yes
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
