Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
