You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
