forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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