just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You pole danced in your parka.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize