I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
