how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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