I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
