I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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