Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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